One of my resolutions for the new year was starting a new blog – and actually update it. Not on a daily basis, maybe, but just do it regularly.
I had various blogs in the past but I deleted them all. This is because when I came back and look at them from the outside, they seem tedious, tacky and most of all, pessimistic.
All those posts I kept writing for months reflected a person that was just starting to develop and couldn’t understand what was going on around her. I kept blogging about difficulties I encountered along the way, about how horrible was to be without the person I loved, about broken friendships and profound feelings. And I felt proud of my writing at that moment.
If I could look back at those paragraphs now, I think I’d feel repelled and bored. It’s not only that I was naive, it’s the fact that I thought I knew it all. I thought I was the only one struggling, the only one feeling alone and the only one coming up against all sort of challenges.
I relied on inspirational quotes, images, films and songs which I thought would me keep going when in reality – deep inside – they only made me compare myself to others. Other people that I could not be, stories that I couldn’t live and quotes that I didn’t really believe in. I compared my behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. To put it bluntly, my posts were just pretentious, vague and unrealistic.
So this year, hopefully, I’ll be a better me. I’ll make sure to post what I really believe in, trying to look at things from another perspective, from a more positive and truthful perspective – one that reflects the girl that lives in flat number 41.